SUMMERTIME, & the livin's easy

it's finally summer and I'm living it up.
i pretty much do one eventful thing everyday.
i have so many thoughts going on right now.
With ADD, you just have a million different thoughts and ideas and you'd think that when you "take your Ritalin" the thoughts would go away.
what it feels like more is that instead of each thought popping in your head and then slipping away, you remember each thought and feel that you must see each thing through.
your a lot more productive but you also feel a lot more worn out. which you think is the oppicite because its supposed to be curing your hyperactivity.
well i haven't written here in a while, since its been a crazy rush of everything and i really haven't felt like I've had much to say.
in good news though, I think that this blog as really helped in one way. I was using to just help myself get better at putting what im thinking into words, and being able to truly talk about myself.
Since getting this my grades in English skyrocketed and i got perfect scores on my past two essays. WOOHOOO!
i dont think i've ever gotten a perfect in writing in my life. i felt so acomplished, especially because i used my OWN voice, not what i thought the teacher wanted (although he obviously did want my own voice) or just the stles that i had been tought to conform too.
I also need to give major props to my girl alex. just sitting next to her in English helped me so much, just to see how a good writer writes. I hated that teachers stopped sharing the "good" writing that was done by fellow students. She also helped by editing and making my words more consise, without altering the voice in any way. I dont think she even realizes how greatful I am.

Well since i have been off and have been able to talk to people about the things that bother or entertain me, i don't really feel the need to go on about it, even though it is on my mind.
At the moment, since i decided to start tackling my college application, I am totally overwhelmed by the whole process. I have feared writing the personal statement since...I wanna say the start of middle school, but im gonna say it was in 8th grade when we had to write a My Life essay. My failure (it was a C, which was VERY rare for me) to write an essay about myself created a wave of anxiety, I dreaded the time when I would have to sit down and create a literary masterpiece about who I was as a person, and what i could contribute. I completely agree that we are not just a transcript full of numbers and data, and that we need to show who we are, but to have to do it in a formal essay just made me angry, since i saw it as being favored to those who could write.
Now I have come to see that this essay isn't quite as FORMAL as i thought it was, and i see that being able to express yourself on paper is a vital skill in the real world. Also with my recent sucess in English, I do feel abit more confident in the whole process. I know now that i can write in a tone that closely mirror my own, and my strengths in speech can be appplied to my writting.
What i mostly fear now is talking about myself. I'm young, and my view on myself change weekly. When it comes to putting down what i think my strengths and weaknesses are, I blank. Of course that's an exaggeration but when something does come to mind i feel like its a lie. I also then feel like i should lie, like say my weakness is "i work TOO hard" to make myself sound better. Of course I dont mean flat out lie, but choose the weaknesses that I feel show my good side because honestly i do work too hard sometimes, and it is a bad thing to an extent but i don't see it as a weakness, more of a personality quirk, it makes me who I am. I guess i just feel like im a phony and hate that i need to tell someone what my strengths and weaknesses are because they can't take the time to get to know them. I understand there is no way to really do that, but thats why i see the system as flawed, I mean the system has many more flaws, but the enormity of the world we live in, although it has advatanges, has really caused us to lose the little things that are truly important in life. One of my favorite movies is the school of rock, and I love when Jack Black gives his speech about "the man"(it is nessasary to include it because it is just so well put :D)
Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don't know the Man. He's everywhere. In the White House... down the hall... Ms. Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!
I think that is soo true, we really have to struggle to find ways to be individual and "stick it to the man" because we have created "the man" to rule over everything, for whatever reason, but we lose things in the process, things that are "pure" and "awsome"
although of course i disagree with the give up statement of it all. it was nessasary in the plot of the movie because then he obviously doesn't give up and he acomplished what he has always wanted to do and that everyone told him he couldn't (have one great rock show), and if thats not a good movie I don't know what is.

So i can totally tell my medicine has worn off, i dont really remember anything i said and I'm just happy its summer, and i've really been having the time of my life. Later I might regret it but for now i'm gonna enjoy it while im still young