well i originally got this cause i'm now officially addicted to fashion blogs, and felt i just needed one for some reason. Seeing so many people contributing things they feel some emotion about made me want to start one. cause its something you cant really share with your friends conveniently (except through blog)
the thing about doing a fashion-esque blog is that i dont have all those fancy cameras, and I'm a perfectionist in that i want it to look as good as it can possibly be. & me taking pictures of myself in the mirror with crappy resolution does not sound like something I would really want to read, let alone get depressed that no one really cares.
so i chose a random name, which was surprisingly difficult since whenever you come up with a brilliant one, the URL is already taken by some random person who hasn't posted since 2004 and you need your URL to directly correspond to your name for easy access by your "fans."
yeah yeah, I think about things way to much but I think I like Resolution. It means a lot of things. I got the idea from the song by Jack's Mannequin which I found myself really liking and it slowly creeping up higher on the play count list in iTunes and it was kinda surprising to me.
I can't say I relate really well to that song, it's definitely not the most catchiest song i've heard (and I'm all about catchy, that is my favorite description about songs) although it must be catchy in some way if I listen to it so much. I just really like Jack's Mann and I actually got interested in it because Stephanie Meyer posted how she wrote the like thingy that is like a storyboard for music videos. As you can see I'm fond of music and of all the terms that we learn in chorus I always remember resolution cause thats what were always working toward.
you push forward to the resolution and you slow down once you get there so that you can truly embrace it.
As I find in any form of writting, you can anylaze your thinking a bit better. Like they say that the best advice is the kind you give others, or something like that. But when you put into words your feelings iit kind of makes them clearer.
I just feel like Im at a point were I cant always talk about my feelings to the people around me. And diaries just never worked out. I think cause I write actually really slow and thats probably because I suck at spelling. All ADD kids and bad spellers thank the lord for the invention of spell check.
I sat down to do this originally because I just had to get out how wierd I feel right now, but my bringing up the resolution thing kind of shed some light (i think) on how I'm feeling. NOt that im obseesed with them or anything but I think I really crave Resolutions. I do know i fear the unkown, but who doesn't? But I think I really hate when alot of things in my life are just up in the air and theres nothing I can really do. Cause then its all I think about. And I think that maybe I should be doing something. And all the thinking prevents me from actually doing something which puts even more things I feel I have to worry about.
Like just now my mom walked in my room and asked me if I was doing homework. Obviously I wasn't but should I be? should I stop pondering about my life or do I truly need this release right now. (I think I need it)
& in like 15 minutes I have to go work out and I haven't worked out in 2 weeks. And i usually work out Mon-Fri two hours a day.
so this is gonna be fun
gah everyone sayd high school isn't really the happiest times in your life which makes me which i could just end it as soon a s possible, but I really enjoy the innoccence of it if that makes sense. It not that I dont like responsibilities but I dont like making mistakes. ANd thats horrible and I make a lot more than you would think, but I'm afraid of the point where its gonna be like "you can't still be making mistakes, why haven't you learned, blah blah blah"
I actually really hate feeling dumb, I guess because I get really embarrassed and I dwell on embarrassing moments that have happened years and years ago. Just awkward situations that im sure the other people involved have forgotten all about but I always feel they'll remember. And I feel like I limit myself alot because of that fear. & I would be totally fine if I was alot better at dealing with the situations or just like laughing them off, I have friends who do that quite well, but I just not one of those people. & I really don't know what to do. I say maybe I should just approach awkward situations as much as possible so I can learn what I can do to make them not awkward. I realize that a large number of people probably find things awkward and they just keep it all internal or they don't think twice about it. Or I'm sure people think things are awkward but it doesn't come off that way at all. (by the way I just had to go back and spell check every single awkward because the way it supposed to be spelled doesn't make sense to me.
Well that's all at the moment because I have to get ready. When I thought about doing this I told myself that I was gonna try and create this witty and humorous voice and it would be great practice to hone my writing skills and work on the voice that I had lost thanks to the public school system and there ideals on conformity. I think now what I need to work on is working on simplifying my speech and trying to write in a more mature way. With E.B White's Elements of Style at my side, hopefully I will be writing Chuck Klosterman-like anecdotes about my life and pop culture. & when I become a famous writter, I will thank it all to Steve Jobs, for the creation of the computer (the old school eMac that oddly enough contains my life on it) which gave us spell check and the world of blogs.
that is not all.
I will try, but sadly fail to continue this wonderful transcription of my thoughts when I return.
otherwise I would say "that is all"
No comments:
Post a Comment